Tom Lehrer Quotes

72 quotes in 944 categories

• Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
• The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and…
• If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God…
• Base eight is just like base ten really, if you're missing two fingers.
• Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever…
• In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.'
• I wasn't really a performer by temperament,
• You can make fun with Saddam Hussein jokes ... but you can't make fun of, say, the concentration camps. I think my target was not…
• Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics/ And the Catholics hate the Protestants/ And the Hindus hate the Muslims/ And everybody hates the Jews.
• If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one,…
• But in the new (math) approach, the important thing is to understand what you're doing, rather than to get the right answer.
• In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize; only be sure always to call it . . . research.
• Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
• Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife. Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life. But as we go our sordid…
• Once all the Germans were warlike and mean But that couldn't happen again We taught them a lesson in nineteen eighteen And they've hardly bothered…
• Some of you may have met mathematicians and wondered how they got that way.
• The real issues I don't think most people touch. The Clinton jokes are all about Monica Lewinsky and all that stuff and not about the…
• If the hoods don't get you, the monoxide will.
• I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.
• I find that if you take the various popular song forms to their logical extremes, you can arrive at almost anything from the ridiculous to…

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