All Tom Lehrer Quotes
- Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability of people to… Add
- Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now, to quote myself at my most… Alas
- There's ten stuffed heads in my trophy room right now, two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow. Animal
- I ache for the touch of your lips dear, but much more for the touch of your whips dear. Ache
- We are the folk song army, every one of us cares. We all hate poverty, war, and injustice unlike the rest of you squares. Activism
- From the three, you then use one to make eight ones. You add those ones to the three, and you get one-three base eight, or,… Add
- The civil liberties types who are fighting this issue have to fight it, owing to the nature of the laws, as a matter of freedom… All
- The Lord's our shepherd, says the psalm. But just in case, we better get a bomb. Better
- The poor folks hate the rich folks, and the rich folks hate the poor folks. All of my folks hate all of your folks, it's… All
- They love us everywhere we go. So when in doubt, send the Marines. Doubt
- Filth, I'm glad to say, is in the mind of the beholder. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. Beholder
- You can raise welts like nobody else, as we dance to the Masochism Tango. Dance
- Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down? Care
- Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things! Advertising
- Don't drink the water and don't breathe the air! Air
- Plagiarize, plagiarize, / Let no man's work evade your eyes, / Remember why the good Lord made your eyes, / Don't shade your eyes, /… Call
- Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. Angel
- Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think. Funny
- I've heard it quoted that I was dead. You can't believe anything you read. That was just an off-hand remark somebody picked up, and now… Been
- Comedy is very important, yes. For one thing, it keeps you sane. But it's not really a conversion. I mean, it's marginally a conversion, because… Comedy