Best Roseanne Barr Lines
- Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles. Better
- Women are cursed, and men are the proof. Cursed
- To expect life to treat you good is foolish as hoping a bull won't hit you because you are a vegetarian. Bull
- Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging… Challenges
- The most out-there thing I’m saying is, ‘Don’t have babies. Don’t get married and have kids. Have a larger life than that. Babies
- Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a… All
- I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the… Favor
- In order to be able to write a good joke, you have to find the truth. Able
- Nothing real or truthful makes its way to TV unless you are smart and know how to sneak it in, and I would tell you… Kill
- You kind of restructure your whole personality to be in a healthy relationship. Healthy
- I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success. Apatow
- I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I… Adolf
- I figure if my kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job. Alive
- I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. Alive
- My daughter made me a Jerry Springer-watching kit, with crackers, Cheez Whiz, polyester stretch pants and a T-shirt with two fat women fighting over a… Cheez
- It's okay to be fat. so your're fat. just be fat and shut up about it Fat
- I know how to do anythingI'm a mom Funny
- The thing women have got to learn is that nobody gives you power. You just take it. Gives
- I thank God for creating gay men. Because if it wasn't for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with. Creating
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