Roseanne Barr Quotes

146 quotes in 1839 categories

• A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then…
• The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.
• I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.
• As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.
• Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.
• My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
• Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?
• There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than…
• I never do anything fun, because I'm a housewife. I hate that word 'housewife.' I prefer to be called 'domestic goddess.'
• Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.
• The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
• Take this marriage thing seriously - it has to last all the way to the divorce.
• The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.
• You can always get better. Nobody can stop you from getting better, and nobody can stop you from trying to make something right.
• I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.
• I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.
• I was completely nuts for most of my life.
• It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.
• One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.
• I hate every human being on earth. I feel that everyone is beneath me, and I feel they should all worship me. That's what I…

Browse Roseanne Barr Quotes by Category