I didn't like talking about my divorce. I think I viewed that as something that was embarrassing or a failure. — Pete Holmes Divorce Copy Share Image
I'm super happy to say that it's not that hard to write bad stand-up. I guess the trick is to write bad… — Pete Holmes Bad Copy Share Image
I hate when pastors have a gay son and then they become pro-gay. — Pete Holmes Become Copy Share Image
Whenever I make a blasphemous joke, I always say that I believe in a God big enough to know that I'm just… — Pete Holmes Believe Copy Share Image
One of my obsessions in life is that we have the tools to manufacture moments and real things, but it's overwhelming and… — Pete Holmes Being positive Copy Share Image
Be persistent and just keep going to open mics no matter what, even if just to watch and not perform. You'll find… — Pete Holmes Heads up Copy Share Image
I went and saw Letterman when I was 15, and that had a profound impact on me. — Pete Holmes Impact Copy Share Image
I was raised evangelical, so if you want to get offended, let's get offended. I have a master's degree in being offended. — Pete Holmes Being Copy Share Image
I call myself 'Christ-leaning,' but that's primarily psychological. — Pete Holmes Call Copy Share Image
I used to just want so badly to have afterlife insured and make sure I was going to heaven. — Pete Holmes Afterlife Copy Share Image
The beautiful thing about stand-up advice is that it applies to anybody, any gender, any race, any age. The best thing you… — Pete Holmes Advice Copy Share Image
I'm a comedian. Comedians are supposed to be jaded, cynical, angry people. But I'm not: I'm a silly, silly fun boy. — Pete Holmes Angry Copy Share Image
When you slide into television, no one tells you exactly how manage expectations and work with your staff. — Pete Holmes Expectations Copy Share Image
I thought divorce was for people that threw plates at each other, and I'd have to be an alcoholic or having affairs.… — Pete Holmes Divorce Copy Share Image
If you have a friend with a blond mustache, he wants to touch you. — Pete Holmes Friendship Copy Share Image
People like Bill Burr and Jim Gaffigan and Zach Galifianakis and Sarah Silverman - they were all amazing and helpful to me. — Pete Holmes Amazing Copy Share Image
I have never been political, which for a straight white man that's kind of a byproduct of privilege growing up that I… — Pete Holmes Agree Copy Share Image
Losing your faith is an essential part of having a three-dimensional, vivid, vibrant faith. — Pete Holmes Faith Copy Share Image
I am a comedian. My brain is critical - it's overthinking - but you can find ways to turn it down and… — Pete Holmes Brain Copy Share Image
