Julie Halpern

“I didn’t have a boyfriend. I had someone to watch horror movies with while my best friend was too sick with cancer.”

— Julie Halpern

“Raisins again. I like raisins, but I have a habit of losing one or two on the floor every time I eat…

— Julie Halpern

“I did it." Who leaves a message like that? Who is so paranoid that they have to be so cryptic? If this…

— Julie Halpern

“So love is possible at the Loony Bin. Or, at least, lust.”

— Julie Halpern

“It's amazing how something can be blue and yet absolutely colorless.”

— Julie Halpern

“When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass!”

— Julie Halpern

“Can we stop calling it a bucket list? Again: implied death,” I noted. “I thought it meant all the things you can…

— Julie Halpern

“I can't buy the idea that we're supposed to live and learn from horrible things. That somehow these things happen so we…

— Julie Halpern

“I have always kept a stack of library books next to my bed as a lifeline. If I ever woke in the…

— Julie Halpern

“I hardly think it wise to put the idea of flying into the heads of impressionable teenagers who are already battling the…

— Julie Halpern

“Get Well Soon. People sent me get well soon cards while I was in a mental hospital. There were fluffy little bunnies,…

— Julie Halpern

“Her words were generically profound, like a Hallmark card I’d skim over to get to the check.”

— Julie Halpern

“I know a flute player is technically called a "flautist," but something about it sounds a little sketchy, as does "pianist," so…

— Julie Halpern

“I wished I could erase the message, suck the word “sorry” from the En glish language, and hack it to pieces with…

— Julie Halpern

“Is it the boiler room? Is this the part where we both fall asleep and Freddy comes after us? ’Cause I could…

— Julie Halpern

“What if I have bad breath?' I asked. 'Chew on some gum,' she said. 'What if I can't find his tongue?' 'Back…

— Julie Halpern

“Science never sucks, it vacuums!”

— Julie Halpern

“Why can someone get so sick that the only way to get better is to make them more sick? It’s like the…

— Julie Halpern

“Char bought a pack of clove cigarettes, claiming they tasted good, to which I ask why doesn't she just go suck on…

— Julie Halpern

“So I carried on, waiting for what ever was to come, with or without God’s help”

— Julie Halpern

“I'm probably the only person on earth who had to be committed to a mental hospital to find a date.”

— Julie Halpern