All Jimmy Fallon Quotes
- I'd do entire music videos in my bedroom, where I used to stand in front of my television memorizing the moves to Michael Jackson's 'Beat… Beat
- Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are… Believe
- Sandler's always good. Tom Hanks gave me some good advice. Advice
- Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.' Mean Wow
- Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.' Charge
- Thank you... fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports. Bad
- Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia. Dude
- Thank you... motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I just end up looking like I'm waving hello to a wall robot. End
- The fans were so psyched that someone was doing a movie about a Boston fan that they were giving their all. All
- I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so… Anyone
- Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision… Actor
- I can watch an episode of Jerry Seinfeld, and by the end, I'm just walking around my house, you know, talking like Jerry Seinfeld. 'What… End
- I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, 'I'm just tired of the snarky right now.… Break
- I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish,… Birthday
- I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets... then I… All
- I'd be nothing without my wife. She's the coolest. She's the greatest. She is the smartest. She's the funniest. I love her so much. She's… Best
- I, of course, wanted to do something with Drew Barrymore. Please. So we were reading scripts back and forth and then we found this script,… Barrymore
- Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is to amplify what… America
- Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model. Brain
- Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare,… Declare
- Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something… Breaking
- Thank you... 'Real Housewives of Atlanta,' for demonstrating a universal truth: Idiots like me will always watch idiots like you fight on TV. You will… Always Watch
- Thank you... adjustable baseball caps with no logo on the front and mesh netting in the back, for being a great way to say, 'Hi,… Adjustable
- Thank you... Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it's just like the iPhone except it can't make calls. So basically, it's… Adding
- Thank you... preseason football, for having all the excitement, commercials, and time-outs of the regular season, but with none of the mattering. I appreciate it.… All