Best Jimmy Carr Quotes
- My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty." Alright
- A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest." Big
- When someone close to you dies, move seats. Close
- People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick? Comedy
- I'm not worried about the Third World War. That's the Third World's Problem. Comedy
- My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'. Which is perfect for her, because not only is she… Book
- British scientists have demonstrated that cigarettes can harm your children. Fair enough. Use an ashtray! Ashtray
- My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," - 'til the accident. Accident
- No matter how much you give a homeless person for tea... you never get that tea. Comedy
- I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand. Busy
- I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was 'Shout For Help'. Die
- I worry about my nan. If she's alone and falls, does she make a noise? I'm joking, she's dead. Alone
- All comedians are a bit attention-seeking and I'm no different. Anyone with the audacity to want to be listened to for an hour and a… All
- I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the… Book
- More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before. Comedy
- I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh. Country
- I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one. Idea
- Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence. Confidence
- I don't see myself as offending people. Inspirational
- The bigger the audience, the better with comedy. Audience
- It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much… Buzz
- You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face. Face
- Yes, I have this crazy honk of a laugh. Crazy
- You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want… Comics
- There's things that I couldn't joke about but other people could. Inspirational