“What I can tell you,” she says, “is that his kindness makes me feel safe, but when I think about who I… — Esther Perel Kindness Copy Share Image
Mystery is not always about travelling to new places, it is about looking with new eyes. — Esther Perel Eye Copy Share Image
“Eventually, if desire withers, monogamy too easily slides downward into celibacy. When this happens, fidelity becomes a weakness rather than a virtue.” — Esther Perel Celibacy Copy Share Image
To look at infidelity from the point of view of sex is a complete narrowing of the phenomenon. There's a reason that… — Esther Perel Bible Copy Share Image
“Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery. Love likes to shrink the distance that exists between me and you, while… — Esther Perel Desire Copy Share Image
“Oscar Wilde wrote, “In this world there are only two tragedies. One is getting what one wants, and the other is not… — Esther Perel Desires Copy Share Image
“When I ask her if her open marriage isn’t painful, she answers, “Sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s not. But monogamy—which we never… — Esther Perel Marriage Copy Share Image
Sometimes it has to do with other longings that are much more existential. Sometimes you go elsewhere not because you are not… — Esther Perel Elsewhere Copy Share Image
Very often we don’t go elsewhere because we are looking for another person. We go elsewhere because we are looking for another… — Esther Perel Elsewhere Copy Share Image
Women - - and men - - need to understand that a woman's transition is often much longer. The caretaker must leave… — Esther Perel Caretakers Copy Share Image
There is no sex without a cue. People who date have their cues at home, before they meet. You think about where… — Esther Perel Bars Copy Share Image
“When the impulse to share becomes obligatory, when personal boundaries are no longer respected, when only the shared space of togetherness is… — Esther Perel Fusion Copy Share Image
The meaning of secrecy is very different when the model of love is one of transparency. So to understand the politics of… — Esther Perel Couple Copy Share Image
Modern infidelity is different than traditional infidelity and sits on top of the romantic ideal that you find "the one" and that… — Esther Perel Affair Copy Share Image
We are afraid that our adult sexuality will somehow damage our kids, that it’s inappropriate or dangerous. But whom are we protecting?… — Esther Perel Adults Copy Share Image
Secrecy fuels erotic intensity because it makes you feel like you're doing something that is entirely yours. It gives you the sense… — Esther Perel Affair Copy Share Image
Many couples have never had a conversation about sexuality and sexual boundaries. The presence or lack of sex, the quality of it,… — Esther Perel Affair Copy Share Image
“If intimacy grows through repetition and familiarity, eroticism is numbed by repetition. It thrives on the mysterious, the novel, and the unexpected.… — Esther Perel Desire Copy Share Image
But when we reduce sex to a function, we also invoke the idea of dysfunction. We are no longer talking about the… — Esther Perel Anxiety Copy Share Image
One of the most amazing abilities of sexuality is to momentarily transcend the borders of Self into something that is no longer… — Esther Perel Ability Copy Share Image
In committed sex, in marriage, people don't feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation - - that's an effort they… — Esther Perel Anticipation Copy Share Image
“Ours is a culture that reveres the ethos of absolute frankness and elevates truth-telling to moral perfection. Other cultures believe that when… — Esther Perel Culture Copy Share Image
You know what happens to sex in marriage? Instead of inviting desire, you monitor it. Especially men: You let her sleep late,… — Esther Perel Desire Copy Share Image
“Acknowledging the third has to do with validating the erotic separateness of our partner. It follows that our partner's sexuality does not… — Esther Perel Separateness Copy Share Image
The mom doesn't become sexy; the woman does. You have to retrieve the woman from the mother. And she may need to… — Esther Perel Baths Copy Share Image
People cheat on each other in a hundred different ways: indifference, emotional neglect, contempt, lack of respect, years of refusal of intimacy.… — Esther Perel Cheat Copy Share Image
“Big data analyst Seth Stephens-Davidowitz reports in the New York Times that Google searches for “sexless marriage” outnumber searches related to any… — Esther Perel Internet Copy Share Image
Most affairs do die a natural death. Today, you look at your partner's phone to find out the weather, and you find… — Esther Perel Affair Copy Share Image
Acceptance doesn't mean predictability. Sex isn't always for 11 at night - - it's also 'meet at a hotel room at noon'.… — Esther Perel Acceptance Copy Share Image
Erotic intelligence stretches far beyond a repertoire of sexual techniques. It is an intelligence that celebrates curiosity and play, the power of… — Esther Perel Celebrate Copy Share Image
We know desire is rooted in absence and yearning. What you don't have is often ten times richer than what you actually… — Esther Perel Absence Copy Share Image
I want to engage people in an honest, enlightened, and provocative conversation about the nature of erotic desire and the intricacies of… — Esther Perel Challenges Copy Share Image
“I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in… — Esther Perel Business Copy Share Image
“Armed with an ideology of love that advocates togetherness, we are awkward about pursuing autonomy. This is especially true of the individuality… — Esther Perel Desire Copy Share Image
I do consider even going to prostitutes, or seeing a hooker or an escort, as having an emotional component, even if it's… — Esther Perel Emotion Copy Share Image
“I do believe that the emphasis on egalitarian and respectful sex—purged of any expressions of power, aggression, and transgression—is antithetical to erotic… — Esther Perel Egalitarian Copy Share Image
Romantics value intensity over stability. Realists value security over passion. But both are often disappointed, for few people can live happily at… — Esther Perel Cybersecurity Copy Share Image
The power of transgression is the archetypal, foundational story of the Bible. We want to break our own codes - sometimes of… — Esther Perel Bible Copy Share Image
“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships . . . which are basically a reflection of… — Esther Perel Decency Copy Share Image
“At one time you pursued Stephanie with great creativity, but no more. There’s an assumption—and you’re not alone—that we need only pursue… — Esther Perel Creativity Copy Share Image
