Due Date Quotes

32 quotes in 394 categories

• Dad, you were like a father to me.
• Why? Because, it's a picture of yourself. Anyone can take a picture in a beautiful turtle neck with their hands crossed and whatever name they…
• Okay guys, we need to get out there. Really need to get going. Paul what are you doing? You acted like a girl out there!…
• Oh, that's me. I'm just masturbating. Well, if you keep interrupting me it will take a little bit longer. But usually it just takes about…
• You know, I just wanna offer an explanation, sir, as to why you wound up on the side of state 20. It's not your fault,…
• You better change yourself before you wreck yourself. -Ethan Tremblay
• Have you ever seen the movie Forrest Gump? He ran across the U.S. and he was pretty stupid. I have faith in you. -Man
• Why are your father's ashes in a coffee can? -Peter
• Okay, you just look really official. And you know if I ask you if you're a cop, and you are cop, you have to say…
• Let me talk to her. Do you have a hairdresser out west? I just go this perm and it needs some major upkeep. -Ethan
• Wow, I've been called a lot of things, man. But inappropriate...that's some fucked up shit, yo! -Airport Screener
• I got ninety friends on Facebook, twelve of them are pending, but I got ninety friends. -Ethan Tremblay
• If you're allergic to waffles, then don't eat waffles. -Peter
• Ethan, you broke the seal when you poured out the coffee, then you poured your father's remains in there and then you closed it. That…
• It's like...God almighty! Holy moly! It's like traveling with a child. -Ethan Tremblay
• Ethan, I know you made it up. It's your fucking stage name. Why did you have my wife wire money to your stage name? -Peter…
• Sorry. I'm a deep sleeper, it's a condition. You know when they say; 'I think I can sleep through and earthquake.' Well, I've actually slept…
• Let me give you a little bit of friendly advice, nobody who calls themselves Hollywood has ever made it in Hollywood! -Peter Highman
• What are you, my fucking boss? You make the hours here? I say we close, close in five minutes. I got reservation at Chili's, I'm…
• Sonny, you will be sorely missed, you little bat-faced piece of shit! -Peter Highman

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