Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he needs to get an… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Parenting is the easiest job to get - you just have to screw up once and it's yours. — Dennis Miller Child Copy Share Image
Homosexuals are entering the mainstream, because they're becoming as boring and as tedious as any other splinter group. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I think [Ann Coulter] understands that, she's Pavlov's dog. She gets the corn kernel if she hits that drum once in a… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche. — Dennis Miller American football Copy Share Image
TV evangelists say they don't favor any particular denomination, but I think we've all seen their eyes light up at tens and… — Dennis Miller Denominations Copy Share Image
Companionate Conservatism - Making the streets safer before people are kicked out onto them. — Dennis Miller Conservatism Copy Share Image
And I know your next move, I watch you so much, 'There's been no proven link between the secular state of Iraq… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I find it shocking that anybody can be brought down in D.C. for gossip, ostensibly. I thought that was the coin of… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I've changed after 9/11. My friends are still my friends.Bill Maher is my friend. I don't agree with a lot of what… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I come from that earlier time in America when palm pilot was a nickname you recieved upon entering puberty! I was more… — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appeal to Southern blacks is obvious.… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Bad television is three things: a bullet train to a morally bankrupt youth, a slow spiral into an intellectual void, and of… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
For the foreseeable future, we're going to need oil products because I don't like the idea of hydrogen cars. I'm not sure… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
In view of all the deadly computer viruses that have been spreading lately, Weekend Update would like to remind you: when you… — Dennis Miller Computer Copy Share Image
Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in. — Dennis Miller Book Copy Share Image
When your mother starts using the word "party" as a verb about her kid, that's absolutely crazy. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name… — Dennis Miller Funny Copy Share Image
The Patriots deflated balls are but an allegory for America's deflated balls in dealings with Putin, the Mullahs in Iran, and Islamic… — Dennis Miller Allegory Copy Share Image
Americans stick their nose where it doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head. — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
When you're sharing a mud hole with a wildebeest derriere in sub-Saharan Africa, that's a living hell. — Dennis Miller Hell Copy Share Image
If I want low-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate. If I want high-impact aerobics, I'll masturbate again. — Dennis Miller Aerobics Copy Share Image
I used to be sceptic, but not anymore, because now I am positive that I'm getting screwed. — Dennis Miller Sceptic Copy Share Image
Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
American's could be any more self absorbed if they were made of equal parts water and paper towel. — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim. — Dennis Miller Atheism Copy Share Image
We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head. — Dennis Miller Coming out Copy Share Image
Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and… — Dennis Miller Balloon Copy Share Image
It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the… — Dennis Miller Film Copy Share Image
I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped. — Dennis Miller Energy Copy Share Image
The left promises abortion rights and cradle to the grave protection, so the trick is to make it to the cradle. — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
We've got Nancy Pelosi. She never shuts up. It's just occasionally we have to hood her like a falcon so we can… — Dennis Miller Falcon Copy Share Image
Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place. — Dennis Miller Esteem Copy Share Image
Some people like to travel by train because it combines the slowness of a car with the cramped public exposure of an… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
And I've always been paranoid. I can remember as a baby my mother would spin the mobile above my head and thinking..."yeah,… — Dennis Miller Baby Copy Share Image
Let me use their own terminology against them. They aborted a child in the 200th trimester. — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I think the American legal system sucks worse than a Celine Dion cover version of Whole Lotta Love. — Dennis Miller Celine Copy Share Image
![“I think [Ann Coulter] understands that, she's Pavlov's dog. She gets the corn kernel if she hits that drum once in a while.” quote by Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/152/dennis-miller-1315_corn_i-think-ann-coulter-understands-that-she_3233735.png)
