If I had wanted to ice the little toad, I would have done it a long time ago. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, 'Hey,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Of *course* he needs to renegotiate his salary - the guy buys more snow than Seward did when he bought Alaska from… — Dennis Miller Alaska Copy Share Image
Big deal, so he scored. The last time I saw someone dance like that I had to pay her $20 and have… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It takes zero politically correct people to screw in a lightbulb because they are perpetually in the dark. — Dennis Miller Dark Copy Share Image
To me, nature always appears more unbalanced than Gary Busey with a clogged Eustachian tube. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. — Dennis Miller Cop Copy Share Image
Check out the helmet hair on Randy Moss, babe! He looks like some freakish anti-Mr. T after a long evening sleeping through… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Now, personally, I am baffled by the concept of racial prejudice. Why hate someone based on the color of their skin when,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Democratic candidate John Kerry on Tuesday chose fellow Senator John Edwards to be his running mate. Asked about Edwards' lack of foreign… — Dennis Miller Campaigns Copy Share Image
A third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes,… — Dennis Miller Cigarette Copy Share Image
Ouch! And Marino goes down quicker than his Boonesfarm-infused sister in the back of my '68 Cutlass on our first date after… — Dennis Miller First date Copy Share Image
The soldiers kill suicide bombers. Think about that. When a guys whole thing in life is to kill himself and you get… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I think the people can bash Catholics because they know Catholics won't kill them. Quite frankly, there's some religions out there, you… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Michael Moore simultaneously represents everything I detest in a human being and everything I feel obligated to defend in an American. Quite… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays? — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school. — Dennis Miller America Copy Share Image
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Other than the bombs they strap to their chests, Ive got no idea what makes the Palestinians tick. — Dennis Miller Bombs Copy Share Image
I have a nice house. And when somebody says it's a palace, I always feel like we're digging a little or something. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The punt returner got smacked like Nancy Kerrigan's knee on souvenir pipe night. — Dennis Miller Football Copy Share Image
Concussion? How the hell can they tell? They're *football* players, for chrissakes! — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Al Gore couldn't be more phony if he were a professional Al Gore impersonator — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The average Americans day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charless dart board. — Dennis Miller Funny Copy Share Image
Any time your parent says they party with you, that is its own form of child abuse. — Dennis Miller Abuse Copy Share Image
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways. — Dennis Miller Child Copy Share Image
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than… — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
Now let me get this straight. Bush is anti-abortion, but pro-death penalty. I guess it's all in the timing, huh? — Dennis Miller Abortion Copy Share Image
I don't know about you, but in my neighborhood, they just opened a Starbucks... IN A STARBUCKS!!! — Dennis Miller Coffee Copy Share Image
There's no more delicious irony on the face of the Earth than environmental protesters being led away in plastic handcuffs that have… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the… — Dennis Miller Culture Copy Share Image
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
With Browns' ticket prices what they are, you just know that all those dads who brought the entire family to sit in… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'll say this about the war protesters: At least most of them are only putting duct tape across their mouths so I… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm left on a lot of things. If two gay guys want to get married, I could care less. If a nut… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The Mexican people I know seem to respect the country in a way that many spoiled brats who were born here don't.… — Dennis Miller Book Copy Share Image
![“I like the show [Factor] because it's horny, but it's not skeevy. Where else are you going to get that nowadays?” quote by Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/2ee/dennis-miller-1315_factors_i-like-the-show-factor-because-it-s-horn_232788.png)
