Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. — Dennis Miller Bad girl Copy Share Image
Everybody is full of crap. The coin of the realm is being full of crap. The best people - being full of… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawns until they fell… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm a tad paranoid. I think the person in front of me is following me the long way round. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Hey, Cunningham - Andy Warhol called. You're at 14:55 and we're tickin' big-time here, Chachi. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Dennis Kucinich's politics are more scrambled than Rod Steiger's dream journal. — Dennis Miller Dream Copy Share Image
The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Everyone wants answers and wants to know what the timeline is. Unfortunately, it's a complex situation, and we don't have the final… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart denied allegations that she had been given inside information to sell 4,000 shares of a stock in a biotech firm.… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The Democrats continue to snipe at Bush. They'll never give it up to him. You know Teddy Kennedy and Tom Daschle pick… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They're hip enough to know they shouldn't trust… — Dennis Miller Comedian Copy Share Image
The Nazi signs have got to stop. If you're in a peace march and the guy next to you has a sign… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it'...… — Dennis Miller Chance Copy Share Image
If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95, this virtual reality… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then… — Dennis Miller Business Copy Share Image
Seems to me we move the furniture, the French come in later and put the doilies on top of it...It's a simple… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
I've grown fonder for Hillary Clinton since she ran for the presidency. I think that it's emblematic of the Rolling Stones song,… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Hey Deion, Bubbelah - maybe you'd better pay a little less attention to those unfairly Draconian salary caps that only allowed you… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Childbirth is a wonderful thing, but the reality is that it can dramatically change a woman's body. SUI occurs when the vaginal… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
In regards to Oral Roberts' claim that God told him that he would die unless he received $20 million by March, God's… — Dennis Miller Agnostic Copy Share Image
The second type you have at these parades seems to be the people who want to mislabel Hitler. Everybody in the world… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Campaign analysts say that Dean has produced the most innovative web site in this year's presidential race. I particularly like today's blog,… — Dennis Miller Analysts Copy Share Image
Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image… — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Pat Buchanan is so homo-phobic, he blames global warming on the AIDS quilt. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
Is it just me, or are the 49ers doing an awful lot of ass-patting today? — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
The world is so ass-backwards it almost makes you wish you were dyslexic. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
He lasted about as long as the dessert tray at Rosie O'Donnell's house. — Dennis Miller Copy Share Image
![“Forbes magazine has named Mel Gibson this year's most powerful celebrity. ... Forbes' least powerful celebrity? [Miller displayed the widely circulated image from the Lynndie England photographs of a hooded Iraqi prisoner with wires attached to his outstretched arms] You're looking at him. Screw…” quote by Dennis Miller](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/i/5f7/dennis-miller-1315_arms_forbes-magazine-has-named-mel-gibson-thi_1793773.png)
