Best David Sedaris Wisdom
- I spent months searching for some secret code before I realized that common sense has nothing to do with it. Hysteria, psychosis, torture, depression: I… Blown
- She's afraid to tell me anything important, knowing I'll only turn around and write about it. In my mind, I'm like a friendly junkman, building… Afraid
- The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain old-fashioned fear. Adding
- Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things together before going to bed. The former bishop of Turkey will be coming tonight… Adult
- I had to wrestle daily with both my inadequacy and my uncontrollable jealousy. I didn't want to kill her, but hoped someone else might do… Both
- It's unrealistic to live your life within such strict parameters. Inspirational
- .. but all of a sudden they’re poets, right, like that’s all it takes — being in love. All
- I’d always been afraid of sick people, and so had my mother. It wasn’t that we feared catching their brain aneurysm or accidentally ripping out… Accidentally
- I can't promise I'll never kill anyone again," he once said, strapping a refrigerator to his back. "It's unrealistic to live your life within such… Anyone
- Sallie Mae sounds like a naive and barefoot hillbilly girl but in fact they are a ruthless and aggressive conglomeration of bullies located in a… Aggressive
- She said, “I’m going to have you fired.” I had two people say that to me today, “I’m going to have you fired.” Go ahead,… Ahead
- I attributed their behavior to the fact that they didn't have a TV, but television didn't teach you everything. Asking for candy on Halloween was… Alive
- Remember that the most important thing is to try and love other people as much as they love you. Important
- The things I've bought from strangers in the dark would curl your hair. Bought
- Their house had real hardcover books in it, and you often saw them lying open on the sofa, the words still warm from being read. Book
- whenever I read a passage that moves me, I transcribe it in my diary, hoping my fingers might learn what excellence feels like. Diaries
- In New York I'd go to the movies three or four times a week. Here I've upped it to six or seven, mainly because I'm… Accomplishment
- What I really hated, of course, was my mind. There must have been an off switch somewhere, but I was damned if I could find… Been
- I am a person who feels guilty for crimes I have not committed, or have not committed in years. The police search the train station… All
- Of course, the diary helps me as well. 'That wasn't your position on July 7, 1991,' I'll remind Hugh an hour after we've had a… Awhile
- In Japanese and Italian, the response to ["How are you?"] is "I'm fine, and you?" In German it's answered with a sigh and a slight… Answered
- In the Netherlands now, I imagine it's legal to marry your own children. Get them pregnant, and you can abort your unborn grandbabies in a… Abort
- In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it… Actual
- States vote to take away my marriage rights, and even though I don't want to get married, it tends to hurt my feelings. I guess… Allowed
- As a child I assumed that when I reached adulthood, I would have grown-up thoughts. Adulthood
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