All Augusten Burroughs Quotes
- If I were a serial killer, I would not be the kind that stabs and then eats the victim. I would be the kind that… Aerobics
- Dennis looked at the puppy in the window. We both did. It was the oddest thing. Normally, puppies in pet store windows sleep or pee… Both
- What I really want is to sit next to someone on an L.L. bean blanket on the beach in the fall and drink coffee from… Beach
- And of course, the answer came to me in the same way Jesus comes to those who drink in trailers: as an epiphany. Answer
- As a young child I had Santa and Jesus all mixed up. I could identify Coke or Pepsi with just one sip, but I could… All
- And in my mind, this settles the issue. I would never drink cologne, and am therefore not an alcoholic. Alcoholic
- Nothing made sense to me anymore. I knew I was young, I knew I was small. But I was worried that I might already be… Anymore
- I hate news and information and anything that threatens to puncture the bubble of oblivion in which I live. Bubble
- But then, look at me. My brain is incorrectly formed, and I'm shaped like a tube. Plus, I'm an alcoholic, a "survivor" of childhood sexual… Abuse
- His laugh is made if porch swings and lemonade Laugh
- We haven't slept together. But we've napped Funny
- I once read about a guy who lost his arms in a fire. The nurse took pity on him and gave him a hand job.… Arms
- I understood at once, I am not living, but actively dying. I am smoking, living unhealthily. Iām shutting down. I need to go the other… Actively
- You cannot be a prisoner of your past against your will. Because you can only live in the past inside your mind. Inside
- The past does not haunt us. We haunt the past. We allow our minds to focus in that direction. We open memories and examine them.… Allow
- You need to grab your dream out of the sky like it's a kite and pinch the string through your fingers until you reach the… Dream
- Love is a helium-based emotion; Love always takes the high road. Always Takes
- This is how you survive the unsurvivable, this is how you lose that which you cannot bear to lose, this is how you reinvent yourself,… Abusers
- I don't believe in the concept of a soul mate. Because we are all unique, but we're also simply too similar. All
- Are you one of those people who says on a first date, 'I'm really not in a hurry to meet somebody, I figure if it… All
- The truth is humbling, terrifying, and often exhilarating. It blows the doors off the hinges and fills the world with fresh air. Air
- The truth is that nobody is owed an apology for anything. Apologies are lovely when they happen. But they change nothing. They do not reverse… Action
- Most of us have love in our lives. Most of us love other people are are ourselves loved by others. But make no mistake: you… Alone
- It was a salad bar of phobias Bar
- Self-pity is the bestiality of emotions: it absolutely disgusts people. When you're feeling pity for yourself, and somebody says to you 'You think maybe it's… Absolutely