The outfits come and go but there is a constant that I like about the catwalk model: the snotty expression. — Arthur Smith Catwalk Copy Share Image
The Bible has no doubt had much influence in its time, but it provides very few laughs. None, in fact. — Arthur Smith Bible Copy Share Image
I abhor nothing more than bumping into someone I know on the Tube. — Arthur Smith Abhor Copy Share Image
If you want to write something of length, however modern and radical, you must live the life of an elderly gentleman of… — Arthur Smith Elderly Copy Share Image
It's worth turning up to an awards gig if you know you've won one but, since you never do know, it's not… — Arthur Smith Awards Copy Share Image
Theatricals can be irritating, but will provide a better night out than mobile phone salespeople. — Arthur Smith Better Copy Share Image
The moon puts on an elegant show, different every time in shape, colour and nuance. — Arthur Smith Colour Copy Share Image
Obviously I am not bothered about men's fashion - is anyone, apart from Jonathan Ross? — Arthur Smith About Copy Share Image
A savage review is much more entertaining for the reader than an admiring one; the little misanthrope in each of us relishes… — Arthur Smith Admiring Copy Share Image
Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the… — Arthur Smith Bears Copy Share Image
The history of the relationship between comedy and swimming is short indeed. Of course it is always funny when someone falls into… — Arthur Smith About Copy Share Image
When they meet a stand-up comic, people sometimes remark: 'That must be the hardest job in the world.' Among comedians, only Freddie… — Arthur Smith Among Copy Share Image
A female friend who caught me watching Fashion TV reckons its audience is largely made up of slobbering men who are just… — Arthur Smith Agree Copy Share Image
Because comedy is cheap to put on: if you've got a play or an opera, there's a whole load of people and… — Arthur Smith Around Copy Share Image
I read 'Crime and Punishment' years ago and don't recall the details of it, but I do retain a strong sense of… — Arthur Smith Crime Copy Share Image
Give me the new thing and give it to me now. I don't want that old thing - I've seen it, heard… — Arthur Smith Bored Copy Share Image
When I was eight or nine, I wrote a new version of 'Peter Pan' for the school play. They didn't use it… — Arthur Smith Any Copy Share Image
Global warming, the ongoing destruction of the planet, Third World debt, the uselessness of the railways, the takeover by the corporations, the… — Arthur Smith Bush Copy Share Image
Travel books are, by and large, boring. They lodge uncomfortably between fact, fiction and autobiography. — Arthur Smith Autobiography Copy Share Image
If you want to be happy for a short time, get drunk; happy for a long time, fall in love; happy forever,… — Arthur Smith Drunk Copy Share Image
About every four years, someone says to me, 'I've got a friend who looks exactly like you.' What can you say to… — Arthur Smith Four Copy Share Image
The book may be garbage, but if it weighs in at a kilo or more, I stand before its author in awe. — Arthur Smith Author Copy Share Image
Acting in a stage play is like working the evening shift in an office. — Arthur Smith Acting Copy Share Image
Sometimes it's good to do something that you've never done before, so yesterday, I went out to buy Elton John's new album. — Arthur Smith Album Copy Share Image
Someone once described me as the Zelig of comedy, and I think I know what he means. — Arthur Smith Comedy Copy Share Image
The real change that paintings undergo is in the perceptions of the viewer. — Arthur Smith Artist Copy Share Image
I like doing things I haven't learnt about yet. I've always been interested in art, and I love doing art. — Arthur Smith Art Copy Share Image
It was Julie Burchill who decreed that, beyond a certain age, a man should not be seen in a leather jacket. — Arthur Smith Age Copy Share Image
An uninspiring canvas becomes a glamorous masterpiece when it is reattributed to a better-known artist. — Arthur Smith Art Copy Share Image
I couldn't really see the point of having lunch unless it started at 1:00 and ended a week later in Monte Carlo. — Arthur Smith Food Copy Share Image
I myself am pathetically impressed when I meet writers of very long novels. How can they spend so many hundreds of hours… — Arthur Smith Am Copy Share Image
I have a suspicion that a lot of artists are trying to get a laugh but, unlike stand-ups, they don't get an… — Arthur Smith Art Copy Share Image
Occasionally I find a travel book that is both illuminating and entertaining, where vivid writing and research replace self-indulgence and sloppy prose. — Arthur Smith Book Copy Share Image
I see my large nose, like half an avocado. I broke it falling downstairs when I was six, and it now resembles… — Arthur Smith Avocados Copy Share Image
