All Ambrose Bierce Quotes
- Heaven: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound… Affair
- ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog. Adored
- Religions are conclusions for which the facts of nature supply no major premises. Conclusion
- Achievement; the death of endeavor and the birth of disgust. Achievement
- OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets. Able
- Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh.… All
- General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision… Any
- In the algebra of psychology, X stands for a woman's heart. Algebra
- PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by pressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the… Audience
- Cat: a soft indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. Automaton
- ENTERTAINMENT, n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection. Amusement
- IDLENESS, n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices. Devil
- HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable. Follies
- NOVEL, n. A short story padded... Literature
- Doubt begins only at the last frontiers of what is possible. Begins
- Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw. Another Throw
- Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their… Badly
- EXCEPTION, n. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class, as an honest man, a truthful woman, etc. Class
- Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the… Brand
- Occident: The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians, a powerful subtribe of the Hypocrites,… Call
- A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. Afflicting
- A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beetle, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus, and microbe. Bacillus
- ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution. Accountability
- You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest. Adopt
- A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance… Bounty