All Ambrose Bierce Quotes
- ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living. Adder
- APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider Accomplice
- ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn. Affected
- BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. Body
- DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels. Bowels
- DISCUSSION, n. A method of confirming others in their errors. Confirming
- EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition. Deglutition
- FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs Edible
- GOOSE, n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These, by some occult process of nature, are penetrated and suffused with various degrees of the… Accurate
- GRAVITATION, n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportioned to the quantity of matter they contain-the quantity of matter… All
- GUNPOWDER, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention… Agency
- HIBERNATE, v. i. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion. There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of various animals. Many… Admitted
- HOMÅ’OPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession. Humorist
- LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate… Argument
- LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to… Anatomist
- MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women. Animal
- OBSERVATORY, n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors. Astronomers
- PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one. Credible
- RADIUM, n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with. Fool
- RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For… Better
- TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us… Bell
- REACH, n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to… Action
- JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct… Action
- REFUSAL, n. Denial of something desired; Refusals are graded in a descending scale of finality thus: the refusal absolute, the refusal condition, the refusal tentative… Absolute
- ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be… Abnormal