All Alan King Quotes
- Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers. Fighting
- Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the… Banker
- When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to… Apple
- If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books. Book
- A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat! Eat
- And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them. Attack
- As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father. Better
- Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom. Brought
- Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank. Balls
- I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special. Bird
- I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going. Any
- I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice. Carnegie
- I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify. Ability
- I was a high school throw-out. High
- I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor. Armor
- I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the… All
- If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something. All
- It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback. Allowed
- Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom. Difficult
- Modesty is not one of my virtues. Inspirational
- My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails. Brother
- My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.' All
- My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews. Ate
- My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living. Anyone
- One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.' Dinner