Your responsibility as a parent is not as great as you might imagine. You need not supply the world with the next… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Do not elicit your child's political opinions. He doesn't know any more than you do. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Anti-smoking sentiment has replaced middle-class morality entirely. The smoker has taken the place of the homosexual. Today you hear people say things… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Never allow your child to call you by your first name. He hasn't known you long enough. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Do not have your child's hair cut by a real hairdresser in a real hairdressing salon. He is, at this point, far… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters of the… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Why not have your first baby at sixty, when your husband is already dead and your career is over? Then you can really devote… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
“lack, or loutish and crass kollective is a program dedicated to the proposition that vulgarity and bad taste are an inalienable right. the lackies,… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
[Friendships] are easy to get out of compared to love affairs, but they are not easy to get out of compared to, say, jail. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Smoking is, as far as I'm concerned, the entire point of being an adult. — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
The first time I ever saw platform shoes in the '70s, I knew they'd been revived from the '40s, and I felt sickened. And… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image
Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far… — Fran Lebowitz Copy Share Image