All right, so call me Miss Cliche of 1960, but the thing about the married ones that always spooks me is how sweet and attentive they are at first, when they're on the prowl. — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
The fact is that all of us have only one personality, and we wring it out like a dishtowel. You are what you are. — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
We old roosters must be cautious. Don't try to outwit your arteries. — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
There is something about a home aquarium which sets my teeth on edge the moment I see it. Why anyone would want to live… — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a… — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
A basic ingredient in the manufacture of perfume, the attar-a heavy, pale-yellow oil stored in small metal drums-had been put up as collateral by Bulgaria, in lieu of gold, at the Moscow Narodny Bank, a Communist finance house for East-West trade. — S. J. Perelman Copy Share
There are nineteen words in Yiddish that convey gradations of disparagement, from a mild, fluttery helplessness to a state of downright, irreconcilable brutishness. All… — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
Tomatoes and squash never fail to reach maturity. You can spray them with acid, beat them with sticks and burn them; they love it. — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
I tried to resist his overtures, but he plied me with symphonies, quartets, chamber music, and cantatas. — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
I'm half Scotch-Irish on both sides, and when I lose my temper-brother, I go. — S. J. Perelman Copy Share
English life, while very pleasant, is rather bland. I expected kindness and gentility and I found it, but there is such a thing as… — S. J. Perelman Copy Share Image
