LUXURIES, Items which, by grand design, always cost more -- for example: a divorce decree costs more than a marriage license — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The follower counts should be hidden so we can be fair and judge people only by the quality of their tweets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate to travel. I guess it's because my father used to beat me with a globe. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, That ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, An event which is called tying the knot -- unfortunately, the knot can be a noose; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That little pissed off feeling you get when a girl calls you cute. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Going to gym really sucks. But I calculated, and there's a good news - I only have to go 9,972 times before… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If A Girl Laughs Loudly She Is Cheerful If A Boy Laughs Loudly He Is Manner less — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
BRB Have to run to the toilet, but I'll be back in two shakes of a man's penis. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My cock got caught in my zipper today…at least that's what I'm telling my wife when she sees the teeth marks on… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I can't believe it's already ummm yeah whatever month of the whatever year this is! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you follow me & expect a follow back, please do let me know! So I can block you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever someone says This day couldn't get any worse I immediately punch them in nose & ask Are you sure about that? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When it comes to sex and phone calls, I have mastered the art of keeping them under a few minutes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVER(S), A person who could only be more perfect if your partner turned into a pizza at 4:00 am — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You Can Waste It Or Use It For Good! What You Do Today Is Important Because You Are Exchanging A Day Of… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and relationships. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Kindness : I never will understand all the good that a simple smile can accomplish. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade; if it hands you tomatoes, make vegetable stew. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I ask to suck your boobs when I wake up, does that count as sleeping like a baby? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Husbands are like guns ... keep one around for long enough and you're gonna want to shoot it! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I read the newspaper every day just to see if there's anyone I know in the obituaries or the underwear ads. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
No matter how good she looks, Some other guy is sick and tired Of putting up with her shit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons Naughty girls unbutton… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are only 2 things wrong in family reunion. The family thing & The reunion thing. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, is best assured when, instead of looking at each other, the two look out in the same direction; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't get shock if I unfollow you. It was completely your fault (for thinking I am different). — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
