Witty Quotes by Nikhil Saluja · Page 24

You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks.

— Nikhil Saluja

Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?

— Nikhil Saluja

Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get nervous and give the wrong answers.

— Nikhil Saluja

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you can't say goodbye to your past, then you just can't say hello to your future.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just want someone to compliment my new underwear. Ugh, its so hard being a salesman in this day and age.

— Nikhil Saluja

Instagram and nightclubs are where ugly people go to trick people into thinking they're hot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.

— Nikhil Saluja

Tears running down my face like rain, who would have ever thought that love would come with so much pain.

— Nikhil Saluja

13 year olds having sex and getting drunk? When I was 13 I was injecting heroin and had committed my 4th murder, Pussies.

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls wear white cotton panties Bad girls don't wear any Naughty girls don't really give a shit

— Nikhil Saluja

Hope you're not allergic to nuts. Cause I'm gonna kick yours up into your throat.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh you're the type of girl that uses your personality as birth control.

— Nikhil Saluja

They say treat people the way you like to be treated. I say retweet people the way they retweet you!.

— Nikhil Saluja

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hardly did I know when I met you That we are going to meet often

— Nikhil Saluja

The next person who says, Its not the heat, its the humidity will learn that its not my fist, but the impact.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, What we have in common with the residents of all third-world countries;

— Nikhil Saluja

If you hate someone and you want to screw their life, introduce them to Twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women are like plug sockets. You have to stick something into all three holes before they work.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, What is left of a lover, after the nerve has been removed;

— Nikhil Saluja

I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to look for cameras in the mall to steal things, now I look to see if I can scratch my…

— Nikhil Saluja

My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A person who sits up with you when you are sick, and puts up with you when you are not;

— Nikhil Saluja

Spiders are nature's perverts... Why else are they found in the bathrooms?

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never masturbate to a fantasy involving anyone you might actually have to interact with. Trust me.

— Nikhil Saluja

Forgiveness.. It Is The Wonderful Smell That A Flower Gives., When its Being Crushed..!!

— Nikhil Saluja

I was a kid during the height of the Cold War. If I did something wrong, my parents just accused me of…

— Nikhil Saluja

My biggest problem is falling in love with those who retweet me,

— Nikhil Saluja

One of my coworkers has an annoying habit, He works! Makes me look bad.

— Nikhil Saluja

You are brave... when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

— Nikhil Saluja

Honey, you're getting Adele. - How I told my Girl friend she's getting fat.

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, The one person who in an argument, if you win -- you lose;

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm happy I didn't belong to generation when people used gun powder to grow guns.

— Nikhil Saluja

Broken hearts, love's deceit, pieces fall down to my feet. Broken promises, love's a lie, puddles form from the tears I cry.

— Nikhil Saluja