They said dress for the job you want not the job you have, so I dressed like Mr India and didn't show… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know you're on your period when everyone around you has an attitude problem. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, FAITHFUL, That man who is married to a trusting wife (a definition that can be either truthful or cynical) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Lightning sometimes shocks people because it just doesn't know how to conduct itself. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I Followed you, I starred you, I retweeted you, I DM'ed you, I lost you, I blocked you, I never wanna see… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
For those who woke up in a Fussy mood this morning do me a favor, punch your spouse in their fucking face. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not. Rehab is for quitters. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Never let your Ladys mind wonder. its too little to be out on its own — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
One of the great mysteries of life is how a man can leave his car keys in the refrigerator. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies don't ask for much. They just want shoes, diamonds, less work, free money & a perfect man. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I said What did I do this time? I really meant What did you catch me doing? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are politicians or celebrities. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, A strange feeling that comes over a man -- when he keeps wanting to call a girl by his last name; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I followed you back after 15 minutes of following me, I was just pretending to be busy & I failed. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You are the Powerful person only when., your Presence can decrease or increase someones Heartbeat.!!! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the Hell Happened to your bra and panties. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
How about this, you remove Funny/Model from your bio and let me be the judge of that. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know you've drank too much when you actually ask your wife to drive you home. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They named it Twitter because Licking each other dirty asses was too long. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't understand how girls could be so in love with a guy one week and the next not even talk to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Why don't blind people sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of their dogs! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Regarding the Boy Scouts, I'm very suspicious of any organization that has a handbook. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, SMART, A man who is never so busy bringing home the bacon that he forgets the applesauce; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Almost all serial killers are men. That's 'cause women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Every night when everyone's asleep, I grab my phone and I start reading all our old conversations. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You know the acronym behind your name won't keep me from kicking your ass in the parking lot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
He'll never be better than he is on the first date. Unless he's rich and hasn't told you yet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm well aware when i've to use suck me or fuck me. Yea I'm classy like that! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones who do. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I typed the word Google into Google. Guess what came up? Everything. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
ProTip: Tell a girl she has nice lips and shell suck your dick right then and there. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I feel like I'm a cockroach when I'm sleeping on my back trying to get up — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Girl's Life Lesson 1: Crying confuses men. They get uncomfortable and will do anything to get it to stop. Take advantage. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
