Water Quotes by Jarod Kintz

“The water trapped in my window makes it like an aquarium—which makes me the fish.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I want my writing to be as smooth as drinking a glass of water—pool water, with piss in it.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I am the Magic Chicken of Desire. Just add water. And a brick and a blanket.
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— Jarod Kintz

“I don’t drink water, because if water can erode rock, think what it can do to flesh.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I need your help. Hold this water balloon while I pee in it.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Water is nearly invisible. So is my love. Drink it in, but don’t choke on it.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I need a water/glory mix of 2:1. That’d make me piss like a champion.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I went to a fire sale. I brought a bucket of water, and boy did I make a splash.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used to sell pepper to people in the salt mines. So while you’re busy selling pepper to the…

— Jarod Kintz

“I drink special water, because not all water is equal. Some water is smarter and taller and more handsome than other water.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I don’t shower because water is the most corrosive element. Ever seen what it does to rock? I want a chiseled body,…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used as a floating object that dispensed fresh water, if only it were lighter and shaped like a…

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more…

— Jarod Kintz

“Rain, it always reminds me of water. And you know how much I love things that remind me of other things. Say,…

— Jarod Kintz

“I am greedy with water. I made your apology tea dry. I’m sorry. You might try snorting it out of the bag.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?”

— Jarod Kintz

“One day Orafoura and I were walking along and I turned and said, "I wish I could capture the weather in a…

— Jarod Kintz

“If I offer you a glass of water, and bring back a cup of ice, I’m trying to teach you patience. And…

— Jarod Kintz

“A blanket could be used as a water purification device. Place it between a flowing water source and your storage barrel and…

— Jarod Kintz

“Water doesn’t shape like clay when you move it with your hands. I've spent a lot of time swimming, and none of…

— Jarod Kintz

“I put a saddle on my salad, and I rode my horseradish to Rhode Island, where I was just in time to…

— Jarod Kintz

“When certain people can’t figure out why a certain place produces a certain thing, they tend to say, “There must be something…

— Jarod Kintz

“A flower blooms in my heart. You may call that love, but I call it water conservation.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I want to sell brown water. You know, to shit in.
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— Jarod Kintz

“A blanket could be used to water down the water. Don’t do it now! Wait until I am finished bathing.
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— Jarod Kintz

“I hate when people say primitive people didn’t even have running water. What do they call rivers?”

— Jarod Kintz

“Boil your drinking water, and drink the water surrounding you in your bathtub.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Is there a gun that shoots rain? Oh yeah, water guns. How technologically advanced we are!”

— Jarod Kintz

“Water is like love, but love is not like water. No, because if it were, I’d be the camel of love.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I didn’t go to the water park because it was raining, and I didn’t want to get wet.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one…

— Jarod Kintz

“We made love like water makes life, and thinking about it makes me so horny I’m thirsty. My cup runneth over, but…

— Jarod Kintz

“In a lot of ways I am like a duck. I love the water; I have large, web-like feet; and I could…

— Jarod Kintz

“I want to laugh hysterically into a bucket of water, have my humor imprinted on each water molecule and then drink the…

— Jarod Kintz

“As our bodies are mostly made of water, I’d rather be hungry than thirsty. And as love is mostly made up of…

— Jarod Kintz

“The only drink I like ice in is water, because you can’t water down water. I’m like that with love, too. Don’t…

— Jarod Kintz

“If you’re getting up to cross the Sahara, I could sure go for a bottle of water. My thirst to love you…

— Jarod Kintz

“I make love like a flamethrower would make a good ice machine. But that’s OK, because I like ice water.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A brick could be crushed, mixed with water, and drunk like a sports drink. And hey, with no bromated vegetable oil, it’s…

— Jarod Kintz