No matter how good she looks, Some other guy is sick and tired Of putting up with her shit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more fucked up than you think. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVER(S), A person who could only be more perfect if your partner turned into a pizza at 4:00 am — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When it comes to sex and phone calls, I have mastered the art of keeping them under a few minutes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
This girl keeps starring my tweets and I keep starring her tweets but we never follow each other, are we married now? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You Can Waste It Or Use It For Good! What You Do Today Is Important Because You Are Exchanging A Day Of… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and relationships. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Police should arrest people tweeting under the influence of stupidity. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate it when I have a tweet in my head and my friends doesn't retweet it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Kindness : I never will understand all the good that a simple smile can accomplish. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If life hands you lemons, make lemonade; if it hands you tomatoes, make vegetable stew. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I know the person talks a lot I avoid using these words: 1) Really? 2) Please explain! 3) Hello. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
All a woman really wants is to know you care. And all of the sandles ever made. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Twitter: where your boobs can never be too big, even if you're a dude. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Without our immigrants, who will kick our field goals, or train our white tigers? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Going to gym really sucks. But I calculated, and there's a good news - I only have to go 9,972 times before… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
See it with your own eyes, hear it with your own ears. Think with your own mind and decide with your own… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
From the Number of tweets & conversations some of you tweet, it seems you never shut up in person. This isn't judging ok! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My cock got caught in my zipper today…at least that's what I'm telling my wife when she sees the teeth marks on… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
BRB Have to run to the toilet, but I'll be back in two shakes of a man's penis. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I can't believe it's already ummm yeah whatever month of the whatever year this is! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Im pretty sure the best thing about twitter is the ability to read other peoples fights. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you follow me & expect a follow back, please do let me know! So I can block you. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever someone says This day couldn't get any worse I immediately punch them in nose & ask Are you sure about that? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
So your name is Will, But you don't call your crotch The Willderness, then what the fuck? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Statistically, 10% of women will find this joke offensive. The other 90% are in the kitchen, where they fucking should be! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I texted my girlfriend a picture of my flaccid penis. I just wanted to let her know I was thinking about her. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The follower counts should be hidden so we can be fair and judge people only by the quality of their tweets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LUXURIES, Items which, by grand design, always cost more -- for example: a divorce decree costs more than a marriage license — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you convince me to make me think WHAT THE FUCK you instantly get a retweet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate to travel. I guess it's because my father used to beat me with a globe. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, That ceremony which makes more strange bedfellows than politics; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't try to please people you'll fail, But you can piss them off and please yourself! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I just learned today that bacteria is not the back door of a cafeteria. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
