MARRIAGE, An event which is called tying the knot -- unfortunately, the knot can be a noose; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
That little pissed off feeling you get when a girl calls you cute. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't waste your life living in a $100,000 apartment when you can live under a $15 million dollar bridge. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVER(S), People who never get tired of each other because they are always talking about themselves; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, Something they say is blind -- it's marriage which is the real eye opener; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Too MANY people ask for the truth, but too FEW can actually handle it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A girl loves when you go all-in in a poker game. The woman loves when you go all-in in the bedroom. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You are happy... when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Whenever I masturbate I always pretend my right hand has a British accent. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The only reason I'd ask what happen today, is to steal some ideas to tweet. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nothing makes me feel more grown up than using Facebook for actual social networking instead of stalking my exes. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I'm on my deathbed, the nicest thing anyone can say to me is, You were right about everything. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I didn't wanted to unfollow you. I slipped, fell on my lappy, hit my head on the mouse which was on the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Rumours? Well at least you're spreading something else besides your legs. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My wife just told me, You're fucking idiot considering as she's the only woman I love, then yes, it's a fair assumption. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
God could not be with us every time we need support in our worst times of life, and therefore he made fathers. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
FACEBOOK: The only place where you can have a MILLION siblings! Their mothers must be Sluts! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When people ask what I did in my 20s, I say Manual Twitter. Its just stalking hot girls on roads & commenting… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I usually admit when someone complains but that's only coz denying them requires explaining. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes my wife and I like to spice things up in the bedroom & pretend we're a great couple who are still… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
No, is it like Facebook? - me, whenever someone asks if I have a Twitter account — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Women. Can't live with them, can't finish this joke without having sex with them & then later sleep on couch. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What was the first tweet of twitter? Probably about assholes coming soon. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's normal to feel the way you do right now but trust me, it will get better. Good luck, be strong. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People with more than 50,000 tweets should officially be declared as Senior Citizens of Twitter. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Politicians are like bananas when they first come in they're green, then they turn yellow, and finally they're rotten! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I mention someone, get no replyback, and I'm left feeling like an idiot. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Facebook is our past. Twitter is our present. Unemployment is our future. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
A wife is just an attachment men screw on the bed to get the housework done. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
MARRIAGE, SUCCESSFUL, one in which the husband knows when to remember and a wife knows what to forget; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate when there's no more toilet paper and I have to bother the person in the next stall to help wipe… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, GOOD, A man who feels in his pockets every time he passes a mailbox — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Maybe there won't be stars, maybe there won't be retweets, but by God there'll be slying! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
