God made woman and the other day he made beer because he was like holy fuck, sorry bro. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I think the most impressive thing about the activity tab on twitter is that I never use it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My friends are weird. They think that I can't I'm on twitter isn't a good excuse not to leave the house. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm thinking of hiring a sharpshooter to 'take care' of my unfollowers. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If you have the slightest feeling that the tweet was about you, it is. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, shes a slut. But if a guy does it¦ hes gay. Definately gay. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I named my first born child after my mother-in-law. In fact, lazy fat ass bitch turns 5 tomorrow. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I hate it when my wife asks me how my day was, because it's like, doesn't she read my tweets? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Everybody is tweeting from work. No wondering why the world economy is going down the drain. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Dear Twitter, Why do you have only 140 characters? Sincerely Facebook — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I drove my expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You are growing... when you know what you are but not what you will become. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Before Facebook, I would have to punch people in the nose to deny their friend requests. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I don't tweet for your entertainment and I don't tweet for mine. I have no idea why I do. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Instead of raising awareness for bullying, how about parents just stop raising assholes? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the HAIRDRESSER says, Do you want it teased or blown? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Earlier I used to feel like a guy trapped inside a woman's body. Especially during the first nine months. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
They say you can never win from a woman in an arguement, I say you can never win from a woman in… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If I follow you, don't tweet about your boyfriend because I'm your boyfriend until further notice. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You don't understand me and never will, so don't start that shit about knowing how I feel. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Leo and she's a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
LOVE, That delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock {John Barrymore}; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There is a special place in hell for people who spam you with facebook game requests — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If my tweets offend you: 1. I'm sorry. 2. It won't happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You're a pussy. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Ladies, you are delusional if you think you can give me a hand job better than I can. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
This Is The Beginning Of A New Day! You Have Been Given This Day To Use As You Will! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If her husband walks in while you're fucking her... ask him to join. You're already fucked anyways... — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
If someone stole your tweet just write 50 more tweets or have them murdered. Simple. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Astronaut restaurant review from the moon: The food is fine but there's not much atmosphere. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I would never mind being in an odd abusive relationship, if my girlfriend would punch me with her tits. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my awesome twitter followers & think to myself, What the hell would I do without them :) — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I won't be tweeting this sunday. I have better things to do like bashing myself by following girls on streets. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
I used to receive virtual smiles, sweet morning and night greetings. Now all I have is silence, and a blistered heart. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
Do girls really look at penises and say Wow, I can't wait to put that in my mouth? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share
