Track team Quotes by Scott Roeben

I'm a terrible lover. I've actually given a woman an anti-climax.

— Scott Roeben

I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a…

— Scott Roeben

They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the end of time. Can you imagine trying to sit…

— Scott Roeben

“I'm going through an awkward stage. You know, the one between birth and death.”

— Scott Roeben

I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting gift. It was a comb.

— Scott Roeben

As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio.

— Scott Roeben

What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down.

— Scott Roeben

Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it.

— Scott Roeben

I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept giving me the runaround.

— Scott Roeben

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range.

— Scott Roeben