I don't come on to seduce the audience. I don't care if everyone laughs. I can't think about that anymore. If there's… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
I have to hear this all the time in England: Well, all Americans are fat and stupid, mm-hm-hm-hm-hm. Really? Well, thanks for… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
“Oh, no! I haven’t lost hope at all! Look, we’re all here–we’re all having a good time on Sunday night! I just… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
“Oh, I say I have an ocelot and it’s a joke, but I’ve had so many news programs in this country say,… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading. Nobody does it so why talk about it? — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
“How come we got the grumpy boat of bandy-legged Puritans? How come we didn't get the Italian party boat with the cappuccino makers and… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy. — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
If you want to live in 'white world,' if you want to experience the stultifying boredom and penetrating ennui that homogeneity can bring, you… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy. — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
Contact lenses are for vain, weak-willed piglets who swan around showing off: 'Look everybody, I can see without spectacles. No one at first glance… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around. — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
I don't come on to seduce the audience. I don't care if everyone laughs. I can't think about that anymore. If there's anything that… — Greg Proops Copy Share Image
