I thought divorce was for people that threw plates at each other, and I'd have to be an alcoholic or having affairs. But the truth is, sometimes a very sweet, well-meaning person just doesn't do it for you, and you… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
When somebody comes across as authentic and genuine and sweet, people just want to spend time with that person. — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
When my wife left me, in real life, T. J. Miller was like, 'I'm shooting a movie in Pittsburgh. I'll fly you out and… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
Religion often is very embarrassing, and I totally get it. So I am sort of sometimes burdened with the fact that I love talking… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
When it comes to being called a pronoun, sometimes I like to call other people 'me.' I go, like, 'Oh, these mes voted for… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
Why do we say 'Have a great weekend?' That's just a spell. You're just going - I have no control over your weekend. But… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
The biggest idea of a good time for me is making the Batman videos that we did. That is my ideal day. That is… — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
Science would like to tell us that people laugh because of the benign violation theory, but comedy doesn't have hard rules. — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
I mostly do faces and sounds. That's what I do. Comedy doesn't have to be art. — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
Comedians really are like a species. That's not to be exclusive. Anyone can kind of become one. You have to pay your dues, though. — Pete Holmes Copy Share Image
