I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a… — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
They say God has existed from the beginning of time and will exist beyond the end of time. Can you imagine trying to sit… — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
“I'm going through an awkward stage. You know, the one between birth and death.” — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
I was on a game show. When I lost, they gave me a lovely parting gift. It was a comb. — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
What's the most popular pastime in America? Autoeroticism, hands down. — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it. — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
I once dated a girl on the track team. It didn't work out. She kept giving me the runaround. — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range. — Scott Roeben Copy Share Image
