“I want to steal 100 years. If I get caught, it’ll be the trial of the century.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I got a new car. I just need to put it together. They’re easier to steal piece by piece.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Don’t steal because it’s immoral, not because you’re afraid you’ll get caught.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is the most precious gift you could ever possibly hope to steal. Some women foolishly do not leave their rib cages… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I didn’t win a championship, but I did pop some champagne bottles—and a few locks. Why bother training when you can just… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The schizophrenic in the sleeping bag with a live chicken and a can of tomato soup spilling onto the sidewalk had no… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to stall for time when the police are searching your place looking for a missing person. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I steal cracker packets. I hoard them. Once my collection is large enough, I’ll take them to the flea market and try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ll steal bodies, not to be Corporal Corpse, but to have access to a never-ending supply of laughter still left over in… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A great way to steal other people’s stuff is to build a vault and have them voluntarily store their own stuff there.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people put more thought into what kind of car to buy than what kind of mate to marry. I think that's… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
