Smell Quotes by Jarod Kintz

“Your deodorant smells like my armpit. And yet I get no royalty from the manufacturer.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My breath smells like fish. I need to gargle tartar sauce.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My asshole smells like a bookstore. So, are you a big reader?”

— Jarod Kintz

“My asshole smells like chlorine, so I hope you brought some goggles.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I can smell a trap. It smells like my ass.”

— Jarod Kintz

“The scent of success, it smells like body odor.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Each one of my nostrils is the size of my urethra. Every breath smells like piss.”

— Jarod Kintz

“A candle that smells like asshole would be an instant hit in prison.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Love sounds like an elephant weighs. I know, because I’ve seen it with my own two nostrils. I’ve grown fat on the…

— Jarod Kintz

“I hate the smell of success, because most of the time it smells like sweat. Maybe that’s why I’m poor, because every…

— Jarod Kintz

“I’ll exhale hot breath into my palm before touching you, because I have cold hands, and also because your hands smell like…

— Jarod Kintz

“If I had nostrils on my index fingers, I wonder what the inside of my nose would smell like?”

— Jarod Kintz

“There’s a faint whiff of feces wafting up my nostrils. But that’s natural, because I just walked past a politician.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I sure wish deodorant tasted like butter, because then I could keep mashed potatoes warm and tasty in my armpits all day…

— Jarod Kintz

“I tried to make it out in the moment, while we were making out, but now I’ve got it. That odor was…

— Jarod Kintz

“My nostrils smell, but not to you. Oh, they have no odor, unless you count the scent of nostalgia, which is what…

— Jarod Kintz

“I want to mass produce wretchedness. An unsatisfactory factory. Then I want to produce cologne and stench—at different ends of the production…

— Jarod Kintz

“Today somebody asked me if I had to lose one of my senses, which would I choose? “Oh my God,” I said,…

— Jarod Kintz

“My armpits smell like a baboon belch, which doesn’t make me want to shower, as you’d imagine, but rather it makes me…

— Jarod Kintz

“I make my own cologne. It’s called “Sweat,” and it’s hard work making it. But I can tell people love it, because…

— Jarod Kintz

“The smell of sex always reminds me of summer youth camps growing up.”

— Jarod Kintz

“When I smell small, my nose gets clogged up. Think what would happen if I whiffed medium or large.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I live in the armpit of the country. I can tell by how hairy and smelly and hilly it is.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I don't like musty smells. I much prefer less definitive fragrances, like the scent of maybe.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If you sound like shit, you sound like smell—which is crazy because smell looks like blindness, with a mustache.”

— Jarod Kintz

“Elevators are supposed to smell like urine. That's what make the jazz playing through the overhead speakers sound more authentic.”

— Jarod Kintz

“My facial features smell as rugged as a rose looks. Isn’t my nose the most romantically smelling thing?”

— Jarod Kintz

“He was washing his socks. But they were already clean, so I figured I’d help him and wear them for him and…

— Jarod Kintz

“I like using scented markers. Especially when I’m trying to color the inside of my nostrils.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I think I just inhaled a cloud shaped like the ghost of my grandpa, and all I have to say is grandma…

— Jarod Kintz

“The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I grew up in New Jersey.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If you could smell my smile, you’d nose how bad I want to kiss you. But you can’t, and I don’t.”

— Jarod Kintz

“If you own the most profitable manure distribution warehouse in the world, you might not like the smell of success.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I just bought some long-lasting deodorant. You know, for the afterlife. Eternity is a long time to have stinky armpits.”

— Jarod Kintz

“I want to upholster the inside lining of my nostrils with leather, to have that "new car smell" all the time.”

— Jarod Kintz

“The only thing I have left to remember her by is the scent of her perfume. I just broke into her car…

— Jarod Kintz

“Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct smell, and two, I’m currently trying to…

— Jarod Kintz

“My favorite smells are freshly baked bread, the pages of an old book, and they way my boss’ ass smells when he’s…

— Jarod Kintz

“After a long day of screaming at the trees, I smell like a skyscraper. Would you care to ride on my elevator…

— Jarod Kintz

“I love the smell of cleanliness. That’s what the inside of my nostrils smell like, naturally.”

— Jarod Kintz