Sarcastic Quotes · Page 24

If you miss 100% of the shots you don't take and 100% of the shots you do take, then you are at least consistent.

— Anonymous

“Never mumble some sarcastic shit to somebody who can obviously fuck you up.”

— Ice-T

Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without you putting in so much effort to…

— Anonymous

She realized that this scarred, sarcastic boy, was gentle with the things he loved.

— Cassandra Clare

Some people need to have eggs thrown at them.Brick shaped eggs..made of brick.

— Anonymous

The snow may be falling in the winter of my discontent, but at least I've got sarcastic company.

— John Green

They played a Chris Brown marathon on the radio station today. It was hit after hit.

— Anonymous

It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.

— Laurence J. Peter

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

— Mark Twain

I had the best day ever, I ran into my ex girlfriend and her new boyfriend…With my car.

— Anonymous

I don't need Anger management, I manage my anger how I see fit at any given moment.

— Abhishek Tiwari

I don't care if I cant sing. This is my favorite song. Therefore I will sing.

— Rakii Retondo

If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!

— Mae West

German in the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

— Willie Rushton

When life gives you lemons make grape juice then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it

— Anonymous

I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come…

— Groucho Marx

“And he raised his glass to her. It could have been a compliment. Or the most sarcastic gesture anyone had ever made…

— Lisa Kleypas

Im so indie, she thinks to herself as she puts the lyrics to Skinny Love as her Facebook status.

— Anonymous

I've loved being the sarcastic chick, but I didn't want to be her forever.

— Lizzy Caplan

I don't really hate you, it's just that if you were on fire, I'd roast marshmallows..

— Anonymous

Teacher: 'Why didn't you do your homework?' Student; 'Sorry, but Kanye West didn't let me finish...'

— Anonymous

I want to break up too, because I couldn't stand another day being around you.

— Anonymous

“Sincere empathy works wonders. Sarcastic empathy backfires every time.”

— Jim Fay

I did a picture in England one winter and it was so cold I almost got married.

— Shelley Winters

The awkward moment when you actually have to tell someone that you're being sarcastic.

— Anonymous

I hate hearing her voice, and seeing her face. And we live in the same house... like hell.

— Rakii Retondo

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

— Eddie Izzard

“You've heard of 'don't harsh my mellow'...when I get sarcastic, I like it so well, it's 'don't mellow my harsh'!”

— Dayanara Ryelle

Having sarcastic conversations with yourself when people are ignoring you.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Or, as it's known to Native Americans - Sarcastic You're Welcomesgiving.

— Stephen Colbert

You think your life is hard? Just think, there's a turtle out there has been flipped on its back and can't get…

— Pretty Ladii

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

— David Gerrold

I'm totally an East Coast person, energetic and sarcastic. I'm not a nice L.A. person.

— Diane Warren

Admit it, you have sarcastic conversations with yourself when people are ignoring you..

— Green Monk

Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrasment...They do everything but watch television.

— Lewis Thomas

I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk…

— Anonymous

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set…

— Kin Hubbard

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to…

— Rowan Atkinson

Why do porn sites have a 'Share to Facebook' button? Who watches porn and thinks, 'You know who'd really enjoy this? My…

— Anonymous

If I'm a sarcastic asshole around you it's either because I'm comfortable teasing you or I hate you... good luck figuring out…

— Nikhil Saluja