“Remember: Enjoy your life today, because yesterday has gone and tomorrow may never come.” — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what it is you want to hear. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren't called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?) — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
In the days when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
I wonder sometimes if manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a Wirtschaftswunder , which can be briefly translated as "The best way to own a… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic...being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated - south from Sweden in about 500 BC;… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
