English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild heliotrope abandon, lotuses writhe with poppies in the sweet warm beds, kumquats ripen, open and plop… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
In the days when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened, I know one boy… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn't all the water… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what it is you want to hear. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Jacob is a German Shepherd. (I have never understood why they aren't called German Sheepdogs. What do the Germans call shepherds?) — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit. ... Inside this hothouse, huge lascivious orchids slide sensuously up the sweating windows, passion-flowers cross-pollinate in wild… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they've told you what you think it is you want to hear. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
In the days when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they… — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
I wonder sometimes if manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things. — Alan Coren Copy Share Image
