“I don’t quite know how to respond to people who say that I dance like my genitals are on fire. I usually… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“With over one billion people, I’d say China is the best place to have group sex.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When people say they don’t read, I always wonder if they don’t because they can’t or because they won’t. Then I think,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“People say, How could God allow helpless children to die? While I look around the world and see corruption, pollution, filth, lies,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Some people say I look like my mom, while others say I look more like my dad. I guess it all depends… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“What would people say about me? They would say I’m an enjoyable guy to be around. At least I’d hope they’d say… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
