A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Happiness has not to all the same name: to Youth she is known as the Future; Age knows her as the Dream. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
QUIXOTIC, adj. Absurdly chivalric, like Don Quixote. An insight into the beauty and excellence of this incomparable adjective is unhappily denied to… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape as "One day a wag… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PLATONIC, adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
MAGIC, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Something that is supposed to typify or stand for something else. Many symbols are mere "survivals" - as funereal urns carved on… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
