Are there moments when I see unrequited crushes or ex-boyfriends slow dancing with their dates and kind of want to stab myself in the spleen with a salad fork? Yeah, sure. — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
They say it's not the snoring itself but those anxiety-packed moments in between snorts. It's the waiting for the nasal passages of the person lying beside you to strike again. And strike it always does. In the dark, almost against… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“Names I am most commonly called by telemarketers: Simone, Slain, Siobhan, Flo, Stacey, Susan, Slater, Leanne, and Slow (Yes, my parents named me "Slow".… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“I’m not sure how the ponies happened, though I have an inkling: “Can I get you anything?” I’ll say, getting up from a dinner table, “Coffee, tea, a pony?” People rarely laugh at this, especially if they’ve heard it before. “This party’s ‘sposed to be fun,” a friend will say. “Really? Will there be pony rides?” It’s a nervous tic… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share
As most New Yorkers have done, I have given serious and generous thought to the state of my apartment should I get killed during… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“If I could just get my partner to see me how she used to - to fall in love with me all over again… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
I don't really think of my essays as being about myself. I know it sounds insane, but I just don't think of them as… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
It takes a level of creative depression to hear 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' and weep. — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
I wouldn't want to live in Berlin. It's bombed out and there's a lot of techno. — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
The reason that war is such a fascinating subject for writers is because it's a revealer. Put a bunch of people in an adrenaline-fuelled,… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
“Shortly after this exchange my roommate suggested we start throwing water balloons at the construction workers. Not really at them because, I know, I… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
When it seems impossible that a deep connection with another person could just go away instead of changing form. It seems impossible that you will one day look up and say the words "I used to date someone who lived in that building," referring to a three-year relationship. As simple as if it was a pizza place that is now… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share
Because I am a horrible flincher, contact lenses are not an option. I'm always envious of contact-wearers. There are endless reasons to take off… — Sloane Crosley Copy Share Image
