MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
What a woman most admires in a man is distinction among men. What a man most admires in a woman is devotion… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness and to keep it fresh in his mind… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CENTAUR, n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Indigestion: A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind.… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
One of the greatest of poets, Coleridge was one of the wisest of men, and it was not for nothing that he… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
BIRTH, n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PRESIDENT, n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom - and of whom only - it is positively… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
TRUST, n. In American politics, a large corporation composed in greater part of thrifty working men, widows of small means, orphans in… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
WINE, n.Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor," sometimes as "rum." Wine, madam, is God's next best gift to… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Strive not for singularity in dress; Fools have the more and men of sense the less. To look original is not worth… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
