“Shame is paralyzing and debilitating. It invites us not to be heard, at least not in an authentic way. Acting courageously when shame enters the picture requires extraordinary courage because people will do anything to escape from shame or from… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
“Our goal will be to have relationships with both men and women that do not operate at the expense of the self, and to have a self that does not operate at the expense of the other.” — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
“Letting go of anger and hate requires us to give up the hope for a different past, along with the hope of a fantasized… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
“There’s a widespread belief that if you have solid self-esteem you don’t need outside affirmation and praise. This is patently untrue, by the way.” — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
Nothing you say can ensure that the other person will get it, or respond the way you want. You may never exceed his threshold… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
If you exchanged wedding vows, tape them to your bathroom mirror and read them aloud to yourself every morning along with the ritual brushing of teeth. It's not realistic to believe that you will live your promises as a daily practice -- unless you're a saint or a highly evolved Zen Buddhist. Not where marriage is concerned. But you can… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
Kids want nothing more than for all the important adults in their life to get along. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
“People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of self regard, the more likely that that person can feel empathy and compassion for the hurt party, and apologize from an authentic center.” — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
Being able to make a sincere apology - one that says, "Yes, I get it; I screwed up. Your feelings make sense, and I'm taking this seriously" - is at the heart of being successful in leadership, parenting, and friendship, as well as our own integrity and self-worth. And the failure to apologize? Even a good relationship will suffer quietly… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
“Everyone freaks out. Sometimes the best we can do with fear is befriend it. Expect it and understand that fear will always reappear. Eventually it subsides. It will return. The real culprits are our knee jerk responses to fear and the way we try to avoid feeling fear, anxiety and shame. Don't get me wrong, wanting to feel better fast… — Harriet Lerner Copy Share
The bolder and more courageous you are, the more you will learn about yourself. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
Underground issues from one relationship or context invariably fuel our fires in another. — Harriet Lerner Copy Share Image
