HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
“ Bride , n. - A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.” — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers - particularly to those who love not wisely… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Marriage is the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman, whose belief in her existence marks a… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Dance, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter. There are… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
INCOMPATIBILITY, n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination. Incompatibility may, however, consist of a meek-eyed matron living… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PRE-ADAMITE, n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation. . . . Little its known of them beyond… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
