Don't even FRONT like you love your family, America, or God, if you don't have a DETAILED & REHEARSED Black Friday tactical shopping plan. — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
I can say that I'm a feminist and I try to be progressive and all that stuff. But I when I'm tired or when I've been thrown up on for the second time that I'm just a tired man trying to keep it together. I've had a lot of jobs over the years and people who make television - it's… — Rob Delaney Copy Share
People who concern themselves with the rights of other adults who engage in consensual acts involving sex, love, and/or eating croissants together are damaged… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
“If you ask someone out and they say no, try it again in a few minutes wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette.” — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
If you have an opinion on what other adults do consensually with other adults when they take their pants off, you're a weirdo. — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire. — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
“Willful ignorance or resistance to alleged facts has been a big ingredient in any success I’ve had.” — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
“Cheesecake. Are you shitting me? Who invented that? Probably Jesus of Nazareth. Or maybe Louis Pasteur. It makes me physically sick to think that… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
But I also know in standup, there's nowhere to hide. You get on stage and you deliver, or you are eviscerated and you are… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
“I like to imagine that those dead, unloved nut jobs became friends under the earth and have their little crazy community where they show… — Rob Delaney Copy Share Image
