“Love is like a banana, and I keep it in my pocket on cold days to warm up my hand.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a cookie. Maybe I should have ordered crackers with my condom soup.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love, like glue, is a four-letter word that ends in “e,” only much stickier. And I used to eat it as a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I carry your love like a backpack. I only wish your love had a larger cargo capacity, and had zippers instead of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Learning how to love is like learning how to tie your shoes, and that’s precisely why I wear slippers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You will know my power when you feel me compress you into a ball and bowl with you. I make love like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I carry on about how much you love me, and I carry on my love like it’s carry-on luggage.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I wish I were someone else. Times like those I borrow somebody else’s nametag. I make love like Todd. At least… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a buffalo with butterfly wings, and I’m just the humble man in the jetpack trying to shoot it down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Being in love is like being lit on fire and having your loved one morph into a marshmallow as she runs to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love isn’t stackable and interlocking, like boxes or Legos. Love is like a one-legged man standing on a three-legged chair that is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I told you I make love like a rainbow, would you be my leprechaun?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I long for your love like shortness of breath. Somebody get me an inhaler!” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like a slice of French toast trying to act like an English muffin.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I walk like I have tornadoes for legs. Let us make love like Kansas.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like learning to ride a midget, which I’ve never done because I’m afraid of heights.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We made love like Tuesday at noon, even though it was Thursday at 3:00, and then again at 3:03. (I have the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a free lunch. You won’t find any in this life, because I had yours for breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like being featherless in mid flight and not even wondering if you taste like chicken. My love must taste like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like building a wall with two bricks and a ton of wind. Obviously you and your lover are bricks. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a portable lamp/sex toy. The world calls those flashlights, but I’m much more romantic.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I remember the first time we made love like it was the second time. We never made love again, and I don’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a unicorn with a rainbow for a horn. What I mean is it’s rare, and you’re lucky if you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like a rolling rock—with wheels. And legs, too! But no breaks or shoes or anal lubrication.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love is like breakfast with Mildred. Who’s Mildred? How the heck should I know? I don’t eat breakfast.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A love like mine is rare. So is the steak I just sent back to the kitchen. But you’d damn well better… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It's easy to say I love you, but much harder to show it. Be bold. Be in love—and show it. Love is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love like a brick could be used as toilet paper. Sure, it’s rough, but I thought you liked that shit. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“Orafoura once told me that if I were a car, I’d be a Ferrari. One that was scratched smashed, rusted, and stolen.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“What makes a good leader? I ask myself this every day, and then as I begin to list off characteristics I realize I’m describing… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
“I’d like to file a missing person’s report—on my clone. It’s nearly 2012. He should have been here by now.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share
