Why do people want to be gay married? If I get married again, I'm changing the vows from Til Death Do Us… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
The lobster screamed when she dropped it into the boiling water. There was a cruel sexiness about the way that made her… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
She: What are you thinking about? Me: I'm thinking that I'll never be able to watch all of the porn I've downloaded… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
When people ask me, How the hell did you score that chick? I say, If she's dumb enough to love me, I'm… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
If I were a teacher, I wouldn't just test the student mind ... I would test the entire student body. — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
I extend my condolences to those who have lost a loved one by saying, Good mourning. — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
When I'm stalking my exes on Facebook, sometimes I think, 'I should have never let her go.'...but most times I think, 'She really let… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
My 3 favorite activities: 1. Drinking 2. Golf 3. Sex ~ I rely very heavily on my right hand for all three. — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
My imaginary girlfriend's giving up sex for Lent. Palm Sunday's taking on a whole new meaning for me. — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
If Obama had his way no one would win a football game. Each score would be distributed equally and everyone gets a trophy even… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
Im working on a pop-up book called, That Explains the Birds and the Bees. — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
I like to play hide and seek with my inner child. And when I find him I beat him with a stick. — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
Happy Valentine's Day. Hope you're spending the evening with someone special. Or at least with some one who doesn't stink. — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
I used to play Another One Bites The Dust after every conquest. But I'm old now so I'm changing it to Another One Bites… — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
Did you notice all of the cops pulling people over and writing tickets in the freezing weather this morning? Neither did I … — Rudy Espinoza Copy Share Image
