I'm trying to teach my children not to cry. That's the big thing. No crying. Because I think we can all agree that crying is, for the most part, for sissies. If my team loses, I'm going to cry. And… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
The Atkins' diet is where you eat bacon for six or seven months...and the end result is that you lose weight. Because you're dead. — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
Many, many people can write books. I just happen to be one of them. — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
“I do not go to church. I don’t go to Christian church or Jew church or any other church. I don’t go to church… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
My process is surprisingly straightforward. I find myself with little to do over a stretch of time and I say, "I should write children's… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
“If I have any faith at all, I guess that's it. Faith in the small love that keeps our family together.” — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
Whatever expectations I had for myself, none of them have come to pass. I grew up thinking I was going to be an actor,… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
You have to lead, in the case of a game show, a contestant through the architecture of the show. So there's a lot of… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
I can be a snarky Asshole, or I can be sort of mentally impaired. It's very hard for me to just be normal human… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
By the end of the time I'm writing a book, I'm tearing my hair out and I want to go do stand-up. And then… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
Kids love to be silly, they love to laugh, so I think it was natural for my kids to like the sort of books… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
I am a poker player, but I am not a good poker player. My favorite game is seven card stud, but I'll play hi/lo,… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
When you're writing something, and you're putting yourself out there, or you're performing and someone comes in and savages that, then of course it… — Michael Ian Black Copy Share Image
