When you haven't got a job, a joke is about the only thing that's free. — Simon Beaufoy Copy Share Image
If I sit down to write a joke about, whatever, the polluted Gulf of Mexico, it comes out mundane to me. — Ron White Copy Share Image
It is a great rush to come up with a joke that gets a good response from the audience. It's gold! — Kevin Nealon Copy Share Image
“The saddest task for the ironist is having to tell the listener that it's a joke, because of course it is never… — Paul Theroux Copy Share Image
You could read Kant by yourself, if you wanted; but you must share a joke with some one else. — Robert Louis Stevenson Copy Share Image
I never used to be as good, you get better. I've just gotten better and quicker at figuring out the joke. — Gerry Dee Copy Share Image
I've realized that I can never not do the nail salon joke, and I will have to talk about Bon Qui Qui… — Anjelah Johnson Copy Share Image
I had this website that, at one point, I listed myself as 'actor, writer, comedian, and fart enthusiast' just because I thought… — Thomas Middleditch Copy Share Image
When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you; but when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel,… — Nora Ephron Copy Share Image
When things get so absurd and so stupid and so ridiculous that you just can't bear it, you cannot help but turn… — David Byrne Copy Share Image
The majority of our fans are dudes. And the chicks you do see at our shows are probably there because of a… — Jeff Hanneman Copy Share Image
My team-mates at Inter mock me when we are training. 'Stop running, let us win for a change,' they joke. But as… — Javier Zanetti Copy Share Image
I think I am just bad mannered on the pitch like I can be bad on the pitch, I don't need to… — Victor Wanyama Copy Share Image
I worked in a paper mill all my adult life and there were a lot of funny guys there. So you pick… — Donald Ray Pollock Copy Share Image
If a man tells you that he's fallen in love at first sight with you, just punch him. It's just another way… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I wish the Fallen would just come to us for a change.” Ironically, Fallen Angels dropped from the sky and surrounded us.… — Laura Kreitzer Copy Share Image
It seems to me that humour is everybody's way of keeping sane and standing off from the situations so that they can… — Diana Wynne Jones Copy Share Image
The audience today has heard every joke. They know every plot. They know where you're going before you even start. That's a… — Betty White Copy Share Image
I started reading about media moguls in general, and Sumner Redstone and Rupert Murdoch both made the same joke: they both were… — Jesse Armstrong Copy Share Image
I believe fully in making fun of children. I believe very strongly that you should never make fun of an embryo or… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
Whatever the joke is has to be funny, and not coming from a mean-spirited place. I think some things are totally off… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
There's so much positivity in the world and your day-to-day life that to go as far as to say that you hate… — Chance The Rapper Copy Share Image
Comedy, in my opinion, is best when it's in the gray, and you're kind of pushing people's thoughts that they sort of… — Michelle Wolf Copy Share Image
When someone says, 'I recognize you,' I'll say, 'Congratulations on having a TV.' It's a little joke. — Willam Belli Copy Share Image
I always joke about how I get excited to go to the grocery store without permission. — Megan Phelps-Roper Copy Share Image
On Twitter, people just want to hear a joke. They don't really want to know about your life. — Jenny Mollen Copy Share Image
If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times. — Lance Armstrong Copy Share Image
I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they're… — Wallace Shawn Copy Share Image
That messed up moment when you laugh at a joke that was about you, but you didn't know. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
There aren't plus-sized teens represented in film who aren't made the butt of a joke. — Danielle Macdonald Copy Share Image
I was the kid at school who would make the joke about himself before anyone else did. — Joe Sugg Copy Share Image
When they tell you they LOVE YOU dont take it to heart because next line may be hey it was just a… — Nidhi Saini Copy Share Image
Anyone who can't tell the difference between a joke and hate speech is just stupid. — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies. — J. B. Smoove Copy Share Image
when he smiles it's as if you'd just told him the first joke on earth. — Mitch Albom Copy Share Image
Expressing my love to a girl for the first time, and it is being taken as a joke — Fated To Love Copy Share Image
If I made a joke about just dropping by, would you write me off as cliché? — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
