FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
The clarinet is a musical instrument the only thing worse than which is two. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Cannon: An instrument used in the rectification of national boundaries. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Quill: An instrument of torture yielded by a goose and commonly weilded by as ass. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument;… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was once more common than it is now. Arasthus… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
REVIEW, v.t. To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it./ Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)/ At work… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
CLOCK, n. A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
There was never a genius who was not thought a fool until he disclosed himself; whereas he is a fool then only. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who… — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
A bad marriage is like an electrical thrilling machine: it makes you dance, but you can't let go. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share
