It figures you've got to hate yourself if you've got any integrity at all. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I always thought it would be very funny if I was a blind film director. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If you don't have fun doing the film, then the results of the film will never give you any fun. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it! — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
How does gravity work? And if it were to cease suddenly, would certain restaurants still require a jacket? — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty? — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If I could just hope to have a major talent, then I would rather have it in music than in any other… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The roe is reputed to sleep for a thousand years and then suddenly rise in flames, particularly if it was smoking when… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If you take a frown and turn it upside down, the person you are holding by the ankles will soon pass out. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If you pursue the other woman, it's a losing situation and it's not good for your relationship or your marriage. If your… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The content dictates the style all the time. That's the way it is. If the content of the film - as in… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If you meet somebody and are attracted to someone, and the exquisite neurons in your brain and her brain intermesh properly, then… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I think that the tendency for most people is to fall back on a comic interpretation of things because things are so… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
The important thing, I think, is not to be bitter. You know, if it turns out that there is a God, I… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Should I marry W? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. And what about her career? How… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I would not like to live in the past because you don't get anesthetic when you go to the dentist. You don't… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
You can't work at a relationship; you can't control it. You have to be lucky and go through your life. If you… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Retirement is a very subjective thing. There are guys I know who retire and they're very happy and they never miss work… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people.… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Throughout history in the theater and film people do like sarcastic characters, and they do like curmudgeons - if they're amusing, they… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
I think if you have a comic perspective, almost anything that happens you tend to put through a comic filter. It's a… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing’s real, it just lives. All the attendant hoopla… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If I was to see any of my films now I would feel, oh god you know it's awful I could do… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
What a world. It could be so wonderful if it wasn't for certain people. — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
If you are not failing now and again, its a sign you are not doing anything very innovative — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
But what if everyone in the world behaved like me and came here and shot Brisseau through the ear? What a mess!… — Woody Allen Copy Share Image
“True, science has conquered many diseases, broken the genetic code, and even placed human beings on the moon, and yet when a man of… — Woody Allen Copy Share
In every generation there are a few people who are authentically funny. The cosmetics change. You may not be able to articulate it, and… — Woody Allen Copy Share
I think Frank Capra was a much craftier filmmaker, a wonderful filmmaker. He had enormous technique, and he knew how to manipulate the public… — Woody Allen Copy Share
Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could… — Woody Allen Copy Share
I enjoy the making of the film and it's something for me to do. If nobody ever comes to my films, if people don't… — Woody Allen Copy Share
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. — Woody Allen Copy Share
A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone. — Woody Allen Copy Share
There are two important things in the world, the first is sex. The other isn't all that important. — Woody Allen Copy Share
